Mi barrio, mi cuidad, mi piez, all familiar terms used to help me identify with with my heritage. Growing up being a Latina was a quality my mother always told me to be proud of. At a young age my definition of being a Latina or Mexican American was having beans and tortillas for dinner and breaking piñatas. However when I was acquainted with others of the same ethnicity, I noticed one factor that truly set me apart, I did not speak Spanish. Spanish to me was the language my great grandparents spoke to communicate with their parents, but never consistently used in my home. When compared to others of the same ethnicity, other Hispanics looked down upon me for not speaking Spanish, but why is it that others expect a young Hispanic girl living in Los Angeles to speak Spanish? Now I am in conflict with my culture, and, myself as to what distinctive qualities classify me as being a Mexican American. Is it the language, the food we eat, or is it the name attached to my American name, that I have problems pronouncing accurately?
Born and raised in Glendale, CA the Hispanic culture was rare in the region. In my neighborhood English was the primary language of the people, advertisements, and my home. As a child I was taught simple words such as agua, perro, and of course the bad words too. My family has resided in America long before the Hispanic community was welcomed; this forced my great grandparents to feel ashamed of their culture. My ancestors diminished the language and culture
to adhere to American customs. This standard of living continued to affect their descendants including my parents.
It was not until the age of adolescents did I truly compare myself to other Hispanics. I quickly became aware that friends and classmates actually spoke Spanish to their parents, which was foreign to me. At that point I became interested in the language and decided to learn the language in high school. I studied the language for 3 years and could then carry on a lengthy conversation. I then became what other expected me to be, but I didn’t feel I was anymore or less Hispanic.
At my age now, I feel myself torn between Mexican and American. The pressure from Americans to adhere to American customs, along with the loyalty to my culture expected from other Hispanics. However my relationship with my heritage is what I choose to incorporate. Culture isn’t who you are but what you believe in and what traditions have carried on in your family, including language. My true loyalty however is to continue the traditions taught by my family and the values I believe are vital.
